


A Losing Battle

by SeleneDarkbloom



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I love Ignis, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, No Beta, Prompt Fill, but making him suffer is so much fun, one day he shall have his fluff, the hurt outweighs the comfort, we die like Noctis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-07-29 23:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20090407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeleneDarkbloom/pseuds/SeleneDarkbloom
Summary: Ignis took pride in his ability to restrain his emotions and to think with his head rather than his heart. As advisor to the King, it was expected of him. And he always did it so adroitly. However, bethinking on it, he could pinpoint the three times he didn't. The three times his heart won the battle.Perhaps a fourth time was due to come sooner or later.





	A Losing Battle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CelestialCelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialCelly/gifts).

> Hope you enjoy this Angst fest my BrainCel! I loved all your prompts for the event and so this monster was born!

Ignis closed the door to his apartment with an echoing thud resounding through it's emptiness. He dropped his keys on the nearby table and patted his way to the couch where he sat with an exhausted sigh. 

Clean, bury, build and _ repeat _. 

That is all Ignis had been doing over the last 355 days. The ruins of their world were now ilumitated by the long awaited Sun, it's light bringing hope and warmth to people's lives where previously such things were scant. There was a lightness, a lack of worry in the voice of the people surrounding him that he had not heard in a long time.People no longer feared the night, the laughter of children who for the first time in their lives had seen the Sun's light and the vibrant colors it revealed to the world below it, filled the city with life.

_ He wished he could see it. _

Even after all those years, there was still this part of him that couldn't accept that loss. It had been his choice, a sacrifice so that Noctis could live. Back then he saw it to be worth it, when he still had a glimmer of hope that fate could be changed, that what he had seen would not come to pass. 

Now the reason for his sacrifice brought nothing but a bitter cold laugh from his chest. To an outsider he would appear happy, but looking closer they would see the tears staining his face. Once again he caught himself thinking of the irony that he could no longer see, but he could still cry. 

Well, at least he had that. A way of mourning his friend and to feel… _ Normal _.

Ignis took pride in his ability to restrain his emotions and to think with his head rather than his heart. As advisor to the King, it was expected of him. And he always did it so adroitly. However, bethinking on it, he could pinpoint the three times he didn't. The three times his heart won the battle. 

* * *

The first.

Noctis once again did not come home after school. He had used the need to study for his exams as an excuse to neglect the political reports he had delivered to him. Has much has Ignis cared for him, dealing with the Prince was more often than not... _ Tiresome _. It would be so much easier for everyone involved if Noctis accepted his role, but that seemed too much to ask. 

_ It is for his own good _, he thought when he closed the apartment door and went in search of his highness where he knew he would be. 

It didn't take long for Ignis to spot a patch of dark black hair and bright blond after he entered the Arcade. The place was filled with children and teenagers and he pushed through all of them, accidentally bumping on two young men, he apologized and kept going until he was at Noctis' side. Prompto noticed him first, letting out a startled yelp and rapidly tapping Noctis' shoulder. 

"Damn it Prompto, you just made me lose!"

"Dude, I think we got a problem."

"What?" He turned around to meet Ignis face to face. 

"Ignis? What are you doing here?" 

"You didn't come home to study as you said you would. I was concerned." 

"Don't be. I'm fine, just wanted to relax a little, that's all. You can go now...Or stay if you want." He turned back to his paused game. 

Ignis sighed and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Of course he wanted to keep playing games when he had other responsibilities to attend to. 

"Highness, I needn't remind you that you have exams to study for, and a report to read."

"No, you don't need to. I'll get around to it later." 

“Getting around to it later means you’ll have little time to accomplish all you ought to.” 

“And that will be my problem Ignis.” Noctis had his back turned to him, plastic gun aimed perfectly at the screen. 

“Your problems are my problems, and my job is to advise you, so please, go home and take care of your responsibilities. You are the future King of Lucis.” 

“Thanks for telling me the obvious.” 

“Noctis you have -” He turned to face him again, furious blue eyes staring into green.

“_ To take responsibility, _ I know. Now do us both a favor and go away Ignis.” A heavy pause and Noctis turned away again. 

“That’s an _ order. _”

Ignis halted every single thought in his mind. Never, not once had Noctis used his authority over him. He was... distraught. 

No.

Ignis was _ hurt _. 

But he wouldn’t admit that. He could not allow himself to be hurt, he needed to obey his liege. 

“Very well. I’ll be on my way, your highness.” He tried to seem unfazed by it, nonetheless a bitterness came with the words he spoke. Ignis spared him half a glance and made his way out, during his walk two young men who seemed vaguely familiar laughed to each other and looked at him. He paid them no mind and went on his way. 

“Noct, don’t you think that was just a tad bit too much man?” Prompto said to his friend feeling a bit sad for Ignis. He knew the advisor could be annoying, but he was just doing his job and what was best for his friend. 

_ Way to go and be a complete dick buddy _

Noctis fired a few rounds onto the screen and missed every single one of them, his breathing was uneven and guilt quickly ate away at him. Prompto was right, he shouldn’t have snapped at Ignis like that. _ He _ was right, he _ should _ be responsible. 

_ Might as well start now. _

“Shit.” With a frustrated sigh he put the plastic gun back on the holder and went out in the same direction Ignis did, pushing through the crowd like his life depended on it.

“Noct wait up!” Prompto hurried after the prince. Both of them didn’t see that they were followed out. 

Ignis had taken a shortcut through a back alley when Noctis called, making him halt his steps and turn towards his voice. The prince looked like he had ran to catch up with him, his breathing coming in short and quick breaths. 

“Hey, uh…” Noctis scratched the back of his head and Ignis put his hands in his pockets. 

“I’m sorry about what I said back there. It was stupid and you were right.” Noctis’ eyes were downcast has he waited for a response, for _ something. _

_ Anything _ really. He would welcome a lecture at this point. Noctis had never seen Ignis like this, and to know that _ he _ was to blame...

Ignis was taken aback by Noctis’ attitude to say the least. The prince seemed to have taken the day to surprise him, and he felt pride swelling within him watching his highness admit to a mistake. But what mattered most to him was that Noctis _ cared. _

“It’s alright Noctis. I’ll-” Loud steps came to their attention followed by loud laughs and then two young men were in the same alley has they were. Ignis immediately recognized them from earlier inside the Arcade. 

“Oh look, it’s prissy butler junior. You really didn’t fit in there mate, and you should pay more attention to where you’re walking. The glasses should avoid this sort of thing” Ignis wanted to roll his eyes at the pointless, immature antagonizing attitude coming from the young man, who seemed to have forgotten that he _ apologized _.

“So you babysit the prince even in the arcade? What a job huh?” The other boy said. 

_ How did they know? _ Were they far too obvious inside the Arcade?

“Uh… guys I think we should just go uh, that would be great.” Prompto said and held Noctis’ arm to pull him away. He didn’t fight it and went with his friend, Ignis following a couple steps behind. 

“Go on little bitch. You’re the prince’s bitch right?” 

Noctis turned around on his heel fuming at the two young man not far from them, Prompto took hold of his arm again and muttered a curse. 

“Noctis dude, come on…”

“Got anything else to say? Please go ahead.” 

“Your highness please…” Ignis had no time to finish.

“Yes I do. You’re a spoiled little bitch of a prince surrounded by stupid people.” 

Ignis was furious. Who was he to insult a member of the royal family like this, to insult his friends? 

The boy got closer, mouthing insults at Noctis. No one did anything until the young man dared to lift his hand and push Noctis back stumbling on Prompto until the two almost fell, Noctis was ready to attack but Ignis was quicker to pull the young man by the collar of his shirt and held him mere inches away from his face. 

“You should learn some respect.” He let go of him only to punch his face. It was very satisfying the feeling of his fist connecting to the other man’s jaw. The boy fell back on the floor and he brought his hand to touch his face. 

“Son of a bitch! You’ll pay for that!” He started to get up and Ignis quickly knocked his leg from underneath him pinning the man to the ground with no chance of escape. His friend made a move towards Ignis but Noctis only needed to give him a look and he backed away. 

The boy tried to get away to no avail. And Ignis saw red. He punched him again and again. For a moment all Ignis could hear was a ringing in his ears, distant muffled agonizing bellows while the warm splashes of blood wet his face, his hands and soaked through his white shirt. He’d keep Noctis safe no matter what. The boy wasn’t really fighting underneath him anymore, the voices now becoming more clear and he slowed his attacks. _ Someone was calling his name? _

“Ignis! Ignis! Can you hear me?” 

_ Was it Noctis? _

“Specs! Stop! That’s enough!” 

Ignis _ didn’t _ stop.

“Specs!”

Noctis’ voice was clear as day now and Ignis felt slightly confused when he looked to where the prince stood with Prompto, there was something in the way they looked at him… 

_ Fear. _

They were _ afraid _ . Of _ him. _

He looked down to the boy beneath him, face a bloody disfigured mess. Astrals, _ what had he done? _ He scrambled to make sure the kid had a pulse and was relieved to find that he had one. He had just severely injured a _ civilian _. A stupid one, but an innocent civilian nonetheless. Not a war criminal. 

“Call an ambulance.” He said and vaguely noticed Prompto dialing on his cellphone. 

Ignis stood on his feet and removed his jacket bundling it and placing it below the boy’s head, his friend came over and sat by his side while they waited with bated breath for the emergency to arrive. 

“What is wrong with you man?” The friend asked with a shaken voice. 

Ignis didn’t answer. 

* * *

The second.

They were utterly exhausted. 

The last 24 hours had truly been a streak of bad luck, and in the moment he thought to himself, it couldn’t possibly become worse… It did. 

They were running low on supplies for a while, and earlier that morning they had decided upon taking on several small hunts in the area so they could afford to replenish themselves. It was late when they had put the last beast down, later than any of them were _ comfortable _ with. 

There was a haven nearby, resting the night and turning in the hunts in the morning would have been the safest course of action rather than driving back to town in the dark of night. However that was an idea quickly discarded. They had nothing to eat that night and were in dire need of a proper bed and a few potions to heal the accumulated small wounds. 

And that is how they found themselves fighting two red giants and unable to run. 

He was mentally cursing the Gods when he heard the familiar purr of a Magitek Engine above them, he waited for the sound of metal landing on the road to come, but it never did. Instead he heard a voice he, surprisingly, had become very fond of. More so than he cared to admit. 

“You boys look like you could use a hand. How’s mine?” Aranea landed beside Gladio right when he was about to strike the Giant’s arm with his Greatsword. With a swing of her spear she followed up his blow and the monster growled in pain. The creature trashed back at them but they dodged at the last second. 

“Aranea! Sounds good to me.” Noctis was genuinely happy that she showed up. Astrals know they needed the extra muscle. 

“Oh yeah! We might win this one!” Prompto chimed in from further behind the second Red Giant. 

She flew with elegant ease and yet a destructive force. Aranea stood somewhere between Gladio and Noctis taking hits whenever she could, they were so close to killing that one. Meanwhile Ignis and Prompto offered them cover against the second Giant’s attacks. 

Noctis warped neatly and the Daemon shreeked, he went for it again but he would’ve been hit if not for Gladio striking the creature’s arm away and standing between it and Noctis with his shield in hand. 

Ignis threw his daggers at the second Giant while Prompto shot an array of bullets at it. Pulling his Javelin he tried to destabilize it to no success, stepping back before it could attack him with it’s flaming sword. 

“Take this!” From his peripheral he saw Aranea ascend into the air preparing for what would certainly be enough to finish the beast off. But when she descended, Noctis warp-striked it away from her landing point. Her spear merely grazing it’s shoulder when she fell. She was quick to get up on her feet, but not quick enough to dodge the touch of the flaming sword across her back. 

Ignis heard her curse and hiss at the beast before swinging her spear at it again and again, bringing it down to her feet and Gladio and Noctis delivered the killing blow. He made his way to her, sure that the other three could handle the second one alone for a short while. Upon being close enough he saw that the tail and small wings of her armor were gone and there was a diagonal burn from low on her right shoulder to her left hip. 

He reached for her and she leaned on her spear making her way to the second Giant. 

“You’re hurt.” 

“Nothing I can’t handle Four-Eyes.” She smirked and kept walking, slower than she normally would, and he saw her trying to hide a wince. 

“You should stay back for now Commodore. Least you worsen your wound.” 

“Aw, are you always this kind to your enemies?” 

“No, but I am to my allies.” 

“That’s one hell of a vote of confidence to give.” She said and picked up her pace, now walking ahead of him. 

“And it’s _ Aranea _.” 

“I trust my confidence wasn’t misplaced. Please, _ Aranea _, stay back.” 

“So sweet of you… But you should save your worries, this girl can handle herself.” She adjusted to a battle stance, the Red Giant mere feet away from them. It’s blazing sword casting yellow and orange hues over them. Ignis admired the way the lighting touched her skin, the way the fire reflected on her helmet… Until it illuminated her back. He could see where her armor melted and fused with her skin and how every time she moved small gashes were created where her skin tore apart from the melted armor blood running down her back. 

With feral groan, she charged. 

Ignis followed right behind her to join the other three. They were making slow progress on their own, and he heard cries of relief coming from his friends being thankful for the two extra pairs of hands in the fight. This one was stronger than the last, or they were just too tired. Ignis didn’t know. What he knew was that Aranea was moving too slow and she let out pained gasps in between battle cries. He moved closer to cover for her but also spared glances at Noctis. He shouldn’t be too worried about him, Gladio and Prompto would make sure he was safe. 

He wanted to get Aranea out of danger, she was far from being a damsel in need of saving. The memories of the day they met came to him, and the phantom pain of the wounds she inflicted on his body was sure reminder of that. But he knew well that fighting with an injury, especially a serious one, could only lead to more being received. And death. 

Dying was certainly a possibility in this scenario. 

_ He didn’t want her to die. _

He shook the implications of this thought out of his mind. That is just how it was, no one would like to leave an _ ally _to die. 

The Giant set his attention to Ignis and he quickly blocked it’s fist and rolled out of the way, from his right he heard a strangled sound coming from Noctis and his instincts told him to run towards his liege, however Prompto arrived first. Relieved, he brought his attention back to the Dragoon. And so did the beast. 

There wasn’t really anything he could do when Aranea spun her weapon and instantly dropped it at her feet, her blood sliding down her back and dripping on the asphalt below. He wasn’t fast enough when the Red Giant swung his fist and sent Aranea flying back to the stone wall on the side of the road. 

“Aranea!” The other three said at the same time while he stared wide eyed. 

Ignis dodged another attack and ran towards her. She was slowly putting herself in a seated position, there were cuts and bruises all over her body. The painful groans that he heard coming from her made his stomach sink. 

“Remain still.” He said and reached a hand to help her move and she batted his hand away.

“I’m fine. Go kill that ugly thing won’t you?” She tried to laugh but coughed instead. 

He was too focused on assessing her injuries to notice the flaming sword coming towards them and hitting the stone wall a few inches above their head. 

“Ignis, get her away from here. We can handle it!” Gladio said somewhere behind him, he nodded in response and helped Aranea up, he made a motion to wrap her arm around his neck but she pushed away.

“Don’t.” She held onto the stone at her side. 

“I can get myself out, you go send that thing back to hell.” Aranea said and glanced at the Red Giant with a look that would make any man tremble. 

“I know you can handle yourself, but you are in no shape to do so now. Let me help, please.” 

“I disagree.” She said and tried moving on her own. Her leg trebled and gave in beneath her, probably broken. He held onto her the best way he could without touching the large burn on her back. 

“Damn it! I think I’m gonna have to agree with you on this one Four-Eyes.” She said begrudgingly holding his arm. 

“Ignis! Come on man, go!” Noctis yelled and he caught a flash of blue light when he warped away. He hesitated for just a moment. He was about to put his duty aside for a stranger, a couple of years back the thought would make him disgusted.

No, she wasn’t a stranger, Aranea was a _ friend _. He scouted the area, the Haven was too far for her to walk and in the night they would certainly encounter more daemons. A fight was the last thing they wanted right now. He looked to the other side and spotted an area below the railing, they would have the cover of the lowest part of the bridge and some bushes. It would have to be enough for now. 

“Can you walk?” 

“Yes.” He wrapped his arm around her neck to hold her in the best he could while avoiding her back and she held onto the small of his back. She winced when moving her left leg but she moved as fast as she could. He could tell she was angry at being this vulnerable. She was too quiet for her usual, and it hurt him seeing her like that. If he wasn’t taking her to safety he would gladly kill that Red Giant in the most painful way possible. 

They arrived and he slowly sat her down. Aranea huffed and took off her helmet tossing it aside. Now he had a clear view of her tired and pale face, as clear as the night would allow it to be. He glanced up the bridge and hoped they would finish that Daemon off soon. 

“You can leave me here and go back up there to protect his royal majesty’s ass.” She gave him a tired chuckle. 

“He will be alright. It’s you I am worried about, we have exhausted our supply of curatives and I have nothing to aid you with.” 

“You of all people let that happen? Who are you and what did you do with Ignis?” Aranea gave him a faint smile and shifted, she was tired and needed to lean on something but her burnt back would not allow her. Ignis sat by her side pulling her close, and she let him. Aranea was stiff by his side. 

“Not my proudest moment I’m afraid.” He felt his cheeks heat up and he was glad she couldn’t see his face at the moment. He had been mentally reprimanding himself since they had needed to use the rest of their supplies after a particularly troublesome encounter right before they also ran out of gil. 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. If anything this isn’t one of my proudest moments either. I usually have my own stock, but today I made the mistake of not bringing any with me.” 

After that a pregnant silence befell them in the next few moments. Ignis felt weary, the exertion of the last couple of days catching up to him the second he let the adrenaline fade. The sound of something crashing on the bridge above brought him to a more alert state, Aranea was now relaxed asleep on his side. And he allowed himself to enjoy the reassuring warmth and weight of her, a small smile forming in the corner of his lips. A light breeze passed through them and her silver locks fell over her closed lids, Ignis raised his hand to move them behind her ear and then he noticed. Something warm and viscous was soaking the fabric on his right thigh, moving his hand to touch the liquid instead, he quickly noted it to be blood. He hurriedly finds the source of the bleeding to be a gash on Aranea’s left thigh that had been concealed by the fabric attached to her hips. 

He mutters a curse under his breath. He should have made a better inspection if her. He leans her on the bridge’s structure with care not to hurt her back too much, still, the contact makes Aranea stirr awake and groan in pain. He unbuckled his belt and swiftly creates a makeshift tourniquet on her leg. 

“Aranea! Aranea, I need you to stay awake.” He placed his hand on her chin and turned her face towards him, she was awfully pale and sweat glued her bangs to her forehead. 

“Why…” She muttered to him,

“Why do you care… So much Four-Eyes?” It was barely audible, but he was close enough to hear. 

“I care about my friends and allies.” 

“Is that so?” Aranea drew in a sharp breath.

_ Come on Noctis, Gladio and Prompto. Hurry. _

“I’m your ally? That’s why you care?”

“Stop exerting yourself so much. We’ll be getting you help soon.” 

“Answer… me.” 

He wanted to avoid that question because answering it would mean either lying to her, which he did not want to do. Or telling her the truth, a truth that not even _ he _ knew what it was. He didn’t want to say it, but he felt appalled by the idea of not being honest to her. And so he let himself answer.

“I care for you because you’re my friend Aranea. I care because I’m in love with you.” 

His heart was thundering inside his chest and he thought he was a teenage boy at that moment, his cheeks burning all the way to his ears. 

Ignis didn’t have time to dwell on what he just said, she was unconscious again. Breaths slow and shallow. _ No, no, no,no. _ He placed both his hands on her face and touched his forehead to hers. _ Not like this. _

Above them the last remaining Red Giant fell to the three friends who celebrated their victory and below Ignis breathed a sigh of relief, placing a kiss on her temple.

“Ignis? Aranea? It’s safe now. Let’s get the hell out of here!” Noctis shouted. 

_ “Hold on just a while longer Aranea.” _

* * *

The third. 

“Kings of Lucis, lend me your strength!” 

He knew the price to wield the power of the Kings of Yore was steep, but it was a price he was willing to pay for Noctis. He would be damned if any hesitation on his part caused Noctis’ demise, he would not allow it. 

It hurt and it burned all the way to his soul. The agony seemed to be endless has the flames consumed his flesh and all he felt was white hot burning. The pain was too much, for a moment he wanted to give up, to yield. And then amidst the hurt his eyes found Noctis lying unconscious and completely defenseless on the cold damp stone of the altar. 

No. He would not give up.

_ It burned. _

It burned and turned his world into darkness. He reached for Noctis only to meet a void. He didn’t know how long it had passed while he stood there unable to see, hear or even perceive the world around him, when he felt a _ different _ kind of burn. It was _ power _. Unlike anything he had ever felt before, it sizzled under his skin and sent jolts of electricity through his body with each thrum of his heart, when he blinked, he found that the world now was tinted in blues and pinks. Ignis felt…

_ Invincible. _

He could do this, he would protect Noctis. 

In an instant he warped himself away from Noctis and Ardyn followed him. Towering over his figure, seemingly not bothered by Ignis’ newfound power. 

“They have shown you their favor after all.” 

Just as quickly as it began, it ended. He was close, he knew it. But it just wasn’t enough. All that power that flowed through him vanished in the blink of an eye. And he was plunged into perpetual darkness and weaker than ever before, the smell of burnt flesh - his flesh, was nauseating and overwhelming. 

“Please, forgive me.” 

He said to Noctis unsure of what he was even asking forgiveness _ for _. Using the ring and the power of his ancestors? For not arriving sooner and being able to save Lady Lunafreya? For losing against Ardyn? Or was it because he knew what fate held in store for him and Ignis couldn’t do anything to change it? Perhaps it was for all of it. 

It was forgiveness for his _ failure _. 

He failed. 

* * *

_ Four times. _

Four times his heart won and he knew this was the fourth. 

Ignis was broken in a way he never thought he would be. How far he had fallen, how much he lost. Who he couldn’t save. He was miserable.

Lost in his sorrow he didn’t realize someone had entered his apartment. If they wanted to kill him now they would be successful. He would be glad if they did so, that meant _ he wouldn’t have to do it himself. _

“Ignis?” 

There was a shuffling of fabric and Aranea knelt in front of him. 

“Prompto told me you left the Memorial Day meeting in a hurry. Do you need to talk?” He leant back on the couch further away from her. 

“No, thank you.” His voice came out cracked but he didn’t really care. 

Aranea sighed. The memorial for the fallen and the celebration for the Dawn was a mere ten days away, they had all been working hard to organize for it. The task was bittersweet for everyone, but Ignis had been taking it all worse than most. They had all been noticing, Gladio, Prompto, Cor and herself. He was cracking at the seams and the looming one year anniversary of Noctis’ death was taking its toll. 

His friends tried to help him, but they too, were breaking. In the end, they just didn’t know how to help themselves. Prompto had Cindy to lean on, Gladio had his sister and his fiance. Ignis, he didn’t really have anyone. Well, he had _ her _. For the most part, when he allowed her to be there. These days no one could get close enough to him anymore. 

She wanted to help him out of the edge he was teetering on , bit by bit, day by day. She could guess that's what Noctis would have wanted. She hadn’t known him that much, but Aranea could see that all the late King would have wanted was for his friends to live, to rebuild and enjoy what they had all sacrificed so much for. But she does mostly for herself. 

Aranea’s own selfish desire to have him there with her, alive and happy. He gave everything and then some for the world, for _ Noctis _… Seeing him fall apart hurt her in ways she never thought she would allow another person to hurt her. 

"There is no point to live in a world where he is not _ in _ Aranea." He says after a long while.

"What do you think he gave his life for? So you could mope around and wither? He gave his life so everyone else could live. So _ you _could live." 

“I don’t know _ how _ to do that anymore.” 

She makes a move towards him, she doesn't know if she should embrace him and show tenderness, or if she should keep her distance. Aranea settles for taking his hands into her own, close. But not uncomfortably so. 

"If not for yourself, then live for him." 

Part of her wanted to say that he could live for _ her _ too, but she decided against it. That would be too presumptuous of her.

Ignis wanted to _ see _ her. To look into her eyes and find the sincerity of her voice reflected in them as well. But there was only darkness, never-ending and all-consuming. What did she look like? He couldn’t quite remember anymore. He had a distant memory almost like a dream, that her eyes were some shade of green, and her hair was an unusual color. Grey? Silver? 

He laughed bitterly once again. Rebuild the world is what he was supposed to do, he doesn’t know what that world should look like. Dawn had returned, yet it all felt the same as it did for the past decade. The sun's warmth felt cold and not at all what he recalled and longed for. 

_ That's because his Sun was gone _. 

What had _ Noctis _ looked like? He feels the tears running hot on his cheeks again. He loved Noctis. He was - _ was past tense _, his King, his friend, his brother… His family. But he couldn’t remember his face, the most important person in his life was now nothing more than a mess of dark hair and a constant ache in his chest. 

"His majesty is twisting himself on his grave seeing you like this. Help your friends in making this world a better place, the place _ he _ would want it to be." 

"Aranea..."

"There is nothing that can take the pain away Specs." 

He scuffs a hapless smile on his lips, "How comforting." 

"But eventually you will find a way to live with it. Every day when you wake up it will be the first thing on your mind, until it will finally be the second thing. And you keep going, one day at a time. Keeping his memory alive."

“I don’t remember him Aranea.” 

The way he said it… Aranea felt like she had something stuck on her throat. The man in front of her was a distant echo of the one she met a decade earlier. Ever so polite, everything that he did was calculated and he seemed cold and distant at first. It was rather amusing to her when she found out how easily he could get flustered, and the way he would always push his glasses up the bridge of his nose to hide it. She missed seeing him like that. Young, smiling… Happy. Even with an empire to destroy he was in a better place than he currently is. 

Aranea looked at him now, scarred in more ways than one and wanted nothing more than to make it all go away. 

"You may not remember his face, but you still remember who he was-" 

"You don't understand, the more time it passes, the more it appears like a hazy dream. My recollections become lost in my dreams and I feel that with time… I will no longer be able to distinguish one from the other."

"Ignis…"

"I don't remember your face Aranea. I don't remember Gladio or Prompto's… My only assurance that you are you, it's because you are here." 

She brought his hands close to her face and he felt her warm breath over his skin. She pulled herself closer to him and opened both of his hands bringing them to cup her face. 

"I know it's not the same, but it may help you remember." 

She wanted him to feel her, she wanted him to make an image of her in his mind, to remember her. And he wanted to remember her, Astrals know how much he did. 

Ignis softly ran his fingers over her face tracing the lines of her jaw to the point of her chin and up to line of her lips - which he noted were soft under his touch, the tip of her nose, the high of her cheekbones. He moved up and felt her closing her eyes, lashes fluttering on his skin, his fingers traced the arch of her brows and moved up where he felt her bangs covering her forehead. 

A faint smile threatened to tug at the corner of his lips, she still had them. He remembered that. He moved his palms to the side of her head and felt where her hair was pulled back in what he could tell was half up and half down. He wished he'd seen her like this before, lose hair framing her face. 

Ignis stayed like that for a while, it was a blurred image but it helped his hazy memory to have something to lean on. 

He softly caressed his thumb on her cheek "Thank you Aranea." And allowed his hands to fall to his sides. But she held them in both of hers, warm breath coming in puff over his skin when she spoke. 

"You're welcome." 

They lingered like that for a while. It wasn't awkward, the silence or the proximity. He didn't want to admit it, but he needed this. 

"Think about what I said, and be sure you won't be alone. Your friends will be here. _ I _ will be here." 

She placed a kiss on his fingers and sat down beside him. The silence that followed was the most peaceful he had felt in a very long time. 

“I heard, you know.” She said after some time, eyes staring at the ceiling above her head.

“Heard what?”

“All those years ago under that bridge... I heard what you said.” 

Ignis let out a faint little “oh”. He was grateful for his tear stained red face. At least it would better hide the obvious heat going up from his cheeks all the way to his ears.

“Huh, I guess it was true then.” She chuckled. 

“I spent the longest time wandering if that was a fever dream or not. I was going to ask but I just never found the right time to do so after that.” 

Ignis kept silent. There was a part of him that was thrilled that she heard, while the other was simply mortified at it. He was surprised he could still feel this way, like a teenager who had never properly interacted with the opposite sex. 

No, it’s just _ her _.

“After some time I just assumed it was my dying mind that had come up with it, and I must admit was slightly disappointed.” She spoke with a playfulness to her voice.

“Why is that?”

“Because I wanted it to be true.” Ignis thought he heard something aching of longing in the way she spoke. 

His heart beat faster at her words. _ All this time _… She had felt the same? He didn’t quite know how to react to that. 

“It _ was _ true.” He spoke after a while.

“Shame I didn’t confirm that earlier huh…” _ Disappointment _, he could tell that by her voice and the way she moved and breathed at his side. 

Ignis took a deep breath, it was now or never. It’s not like he had anything else to lose at this point. 

“I was in love with you back then. But I’m afraid that is no longer how I feel.” He paused again to pull any remaining courage from somewhere deep within him, the truth spilling from his lips:

“I haven’t been _ in love _ with you for so long because...I _ love _ you.” There was ruffling from where her hair touched the couch and the dip from where she sat abruptly changed. 

“I came to understand the difference between those two things a few years ago, and I love you Aranea.” 

She remained silent.

“I always will.” 

“Ignis…” 

“I should have told you, a conscious you, a long time ago. I guess this is another one of my failures.” 

“No, it’s not a failure.” Another ruffling of fabric against fabric and her hands were cupping his face.

“You said it and it’s all that matters now.” She brought his forehead to hers, a memory of when he did the same to her many long years ago. When they were different people and all their problems were narrowed down to the Empire. 

“I love you Ignis Scientia.” 

Their words lingered in the air along with rapid heartbeats and uneven breaths. She loved him. 

_ She loved him, and he loved her. _

Ignis pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. Aranea’s head rested on his shoulder and he could smell the soft scent of her hair, her breathing on his neck. He felt almost overwhelmed at the moment, his heart and mind were working a million times every second and he almost didn’t notice Aranea rubbing gentle circles on his back.

“How about we make it up for those 10 years Specs?” 

“I believe that is an auspicious idea.” 

For the first time in what it seemed to have been an eternity, Ignis felt alive.

And he would try. For Noctis, and for Aranea. 

He could promise that much. 


End file.
